Today is just plain weird for me. It's would have been my boy Sam's 19th bday today and I just miss him. I miss you. I hate feeling down when I wake up in the morning because I feel a horrible inevitability that I won't be able to shake it off all day and I'll feel low and depressed. Sam, I know you wouldn't want that. No matter what you always had the biggest and brightest smile on your perfect face, so for you I will wear a smile all day long no matter the pain I feel inside. I dreamt about you last night, I knew I would. It was cool. You were funny and it made me wanna cry but I didn't. I laughed. I laughed because I knew you would have laughed if I had told you about the dream. The weirdest thing was that when I put my iPod on shuffle this morning, like I do every morning religiously, the first song that came on was "one step at a time" by Four Year Strong. The lyrics always remind me of you, 'One step at a time, One foot in front of the other, I'm gonna get through this one way or another. Cause I know it's warmer where you are, Cause no matter how far the view, I still always look up to you...' and straight after that it was "I Miss You' by Blink-182, of course. I say of course because music is always right isn't it? Doesn't music always have that remarkable ability to channel your mood and your deepest feelings. I turned them both off in fear of hysterically crying like a baby and instead I've just sat in my pj's jamming to Nirvana since 7am and avoiding doing statistics revision (yuk!) 
I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It's still not real. I don't believe it. I'll wake up one day and this whole thing would have been a horrible, horrible nightmare. Sleep tight my angel.